To All of You, My Friends, Who Are Presently Suffering

A letter from the other side of survival mode

I wish I had a magic wand to heal you, or better yet, to show you your way out.
I wish you could get out of this storm faster. I wish you’d find what you need, right now.

I know how it feels. I’ve been there. Even if your story’s different, your symptoms, your wounds… suffering feels the same. That heavy, hopeless, unbearable place where nothing seems to help.

I tried for over 20 years to get better. And for all of that time, it felt like nothingworked.

But in 2023, something shifted. I can’t explain it in a clean, spiritual, inspiring way. The world didn’t change. Life didn’t get easier. But it became easier to manage. That constant survival mode finally softened. I think depression left me.

So what changed?

Honestly? I don’t think it was one thing. And if I ask myself what could’ve helped me get better faster or sooner… my answer is: nothing.

I had to go through everything I went through. All the modalities, the practices, the books, the hours of meditation. I had to learn the hard way.

When the shift finally happened, it wasn’t some magical breakthrough. It was like everything I had mentally understood and all the practices I had done finally landed in my body, at the experiential level. I felt a full-body integration. A moment where I didn’t have to try so hard to “be better” anymore. I just was.

Let’s get real about healing.

If you’re waiting for the “after” picture, let me be honest: it’s not all happy-go-lucky.
The people who triggered you? Still there.
The world? Still messy.
Your nervous system? Still gets shaky.

The difference is that I’m no longer constantly run by anxiety, depression, and emotional dysregulation. I’m not overreacting to every tiny thing. I’m not in daily battle with everything inside and outside of me.

There’s finally less reactions and more responses.

You are not broken.
If anything’s broken, maybe it’s the world around us.
But even that’s not the full truth.
Things are what they are. And our suffering comes from wanting them to be something else.

All those modalities I’ve tried? I don’t regret any of it. Not the mistakes, not the detours, not even the self-doubt. I followed my intuition. That was my path. Yours will be different, from mine, and from everyone else’s.

Several times I meditated for 2 hours every day for 3 months. Did two Vipassanas. Tried over a hundred techniques. You’d be surprised how many you probably tried too.

But still. Nothing I didn’t try could’ve saved me. And maybe, paradoxically, it wasn’tany of those things that saved me either.

It was time. It was my body. It was something I don’t fully understand.

If you’re like me, always searching for more healing, more depth, be careful. Because sometimes, doing “the work” just opens more wounds. It’s like digging a well hoping for clean water and hitting more and more mud.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying stop. I won’t stop either. I’m drawn to the work. But let’s not lie to ourselves. The more you dig, the more you’ll find.

You know when you try to open a jar and it only opens on the 100th try? It’s not like the 99 tries before didn’t matter. They made it possible. Healing is like that. If you’ve tried 50, 100, 200 modalities… it wasn’t the last one that “healed you.” It was the sum of all of them. The tiny shifts, the forgotten moments, the buried insights. They built something inside you, even if you didn’t notice at the time.

You’re doing your best

I don’t think anything could’ve made me heal faster.
There’s no magic pill. There’s no shortcut.

You can do the work, or not.
You can feel like you’re failing, or not.

But the truth is: you’re doing your best, with what you have, in the moment you’re in.
There are a million reasons why it’s hard, and none of them mean you’re broken.

So if you’re suffering right now, just know:

You’re not behind.

You’re not lost.

You’re right where you are.

And that’s enough.

🌱If you feel drawn to explore your own inner world with support, I’m currently offering counselling sessions as a student counsellor. You’re warmly invited to reach out. I’d be honoured to walk alongside you.