When Someone Talks Too Much… and It Gets Under My Skin

How a small trigger turned into an insight about me

Let’s talk about a trigger that came up last week, a small one, but persistent.

I just started a new class in my counselling diploma. It’s semester four out of six, and this one is about Spiritual Wellness. The previous classes focused on Somatic Wellness and Emotional Wellness, which I loved. This time, I had high hopes. I thought we’d dive into deep meditations and maybe even feel some magic, a sense of Nirvana, or connection to the Universe.

Instead, I got a new teacher… and some internal resistance.

Right away, I felt annoyed. I didn’t like his teaching style. I didn’t like how he kept repeating his stories. I didn’t feel listened to. He talked, a lot. And I judged him. It didn’t feel like an intense trigger, but it was persistent.

But I also know better than to stop at judgment.

So I took the opportunity to turn the mirror around and get curious: What is this really about?

The main story in my head was “He Talks Too Much. He doesn’t listen. He brings everything back to himself.”

But when I slowed down and breathed, I could see that wasn’t exactly objective. There was judgment baked into every word. It wasn’t a fact, it was my perception.

So let me try again:

“He shares his personal experiences, sometimes more than once. He doesn’t reflect back or hold space in the way we’ve been taught to as counsellors.”

That feels more neutral. And from there, I can start exploring what was being stirred in me.

So I looked at it through a shadow lens. What part of me was reacting here? Here’s what I uncovered:

• I like to share my stories too.
• I also talk a lot when no one else takes the lead in a group.
• I want to be seen as wise, insightful, even special.
• I get frustrated when I don’t feel heard.

And… I feel the same disconnection in myself that I perceive in him. It might just be my projection, but it feels like he knows the theory but struggles with the practice. And that stings a little, because… so do I. It’s easy to say “let go” or “trust”, but much harder to live it. I see that gap in him, and I see it in myself.

That’s the heart of the shadow.

Now, there are different kinds of shadows, and here are two that showed up for me. One of them, the second, was new to me until a few months ago, and it blew my mind.

1. The Projected Shadow: I criticize him for talking too much, for taking up space… but I do that too. And I want to. I want to be seen. I want to be heard. My unmet needs are mirroring his.
2. The Repressed Shadow: I grew up believing that wanting attention made you “bad.” That being visible was selfish. So I’ve pushed that desire down… but it didn’t go away. It just shows up sideways, in judgment of those who allow themselves what I’ve been denying in myself.

And then, of course, the inner voice kicks in: “But he’s a teacher! He should be better than this! He should listen more. I would never do that. I’m better than him…”

That’s just my ego, trying to escape the discomfort of self-reflection. Ever noticed how it loves to blame others for what we haven’t yet owned in ourselves?

With awareness and self-compassion, here’s what I’m practicing:To welcome the part of me that wants to be seen and heard.To let that desire exist without fear or shame.To express it with humility and confidence, not through domination or silence, but with honesty and care.

I don’t want to swing to the other extreme and take over conversations or ignore others’ voices. But I do want to be able to say: “I have something to share, and that matters too.”

Something else this realization gave me is a new sense of clarity:

I don’t have to wait for this course to deliver a magical experience, something like flow, or a sense of being held by something bigger. I can take the lead on that part.

So I’ve decided to return to meditation, something I’d paused for a while to focus more on my physical health. I found some of my favorite practices and teachings again, some from Buddhism, and I’ve been meditating on my third eye, asking the big questions like “Who am I?” or rather, “What am I?” I’m even asking for help, from the divine, or whatever is out there.

And honestly? I feel proud of this quiet step forward.

I’m curious to see where it leads me over the next few weeks.

Stay tuned 🙂

If you’ve ever been triggered by someone who talks too much…

Maybe there’s something here for you too.

Only explore this if you’re feeling emotionally resourced enough. Shadow work can bring up guilt or shame, so it’s best done when you’re already self-regulated, and always with self-compassion, or even support.

Take a moment and ask yourselves, with kindness and curiosity:

• Am I also someone who talks a lot sometimes?
• Do I wish I could speak more but don’t let myself?
• What exactly irritates me when others dominate the conversation?
  • Do I feel disrespected?
  • Invisible?
  • Jealous?
  • Rejected?…
• What story am I telling myself about them, and what’s the deeper story underneath?

You might find that your answers are completely different from mine. That’s the beauty of shadow work: it’s deeply personal.

Here’s What I Discovered About Myself

• Do I talk a lot? Yes. Especially when no one else fills the space. I also want to be seen as “the good one”, thoughtful, smart, helpful.
• Do I wish I could speak more? Definitely. That’s why I write this blog, I love expressing my ideas.
• What bothers me when others talk too much? It feels like they’re taking up all the space and not being considerate. But maybe… I’m just jealous that they allow themselves to do what I haven’t fully permitted myself to do.

In the end…

This whole experience reminded me that the people who trigger us are often our greatest teachers.

Not because they’re right or wrong.

But because they reflect something we haven’t fully accepted in ourselves yet.

So, to my teacher: thank you.

And to that part of me that wants to be heard: welcome home.

🌱If you feel drawn to explore your own inner world with support, I’m currently offering counselling sessions as a student counsellor. You’re warmly invited to reach out. I’d be honoured to walk alongside you.